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A year through movies- my top 10 Hindi films of 2011

2011-12-30T15:46:00.000-08:00

Last New Year's eve I was at Chennai, inside a small shack where I had gone to have my dinner in between my night shift. They say you keep doing the thing you do on 31st night but for me it was one of my last night shifts (thankfully). I soon fell sick and spent the next two months at home, in Guwahati, before I was finally transferred to Gurgaon, where I am staying for the past 6 months. There has been only one common thing that I have done this year in all the three cities I have lived in viz. Chennai, Guwahati and Gurgaon and that is watch movies. I am not a film critic neither I am a film expert but I have an opinion and that is what this blog post is all about.

For the Hindi film industry this year has been a year of blockbusters with almost 5 movies crossing the prestigious 100 crore mark but I see this year as a year of change. A year in transition, where we saw a handful of films which were smart and well made but had the commercial hooks to pull the audience and thus we saw a few 'game-changers' which were both critically acclaimed and commercially successful . My top ten doesn't count all those parameters, my top ten is purely based on what I felt after watching a movie and how satisfied or with how many questions it left me. Here you go....

10. Dhobi Ghat

I watched it at escape (EA-mall, Chennai) arguably one of the best theaters in the country. I remember someone saying "bhaago yaar nahi toh yeh picture fir se chaalu ho jayegi", no doubt he was bored to death. But then a few rows ahead there was a group who were giving a standing ovation to the film. Then and there only I realized this one's going to get polarizing reactions. I whereas observing all this sat on my seat, deeply moved and was almost brought to tears seeing and thinking about Yasmin. Though I felt a little detached in between and I felt Aamir Khan as the English speaking painter was the only misfit in this otherwise brilliant ensemble. For Kiran Rao's brave and confident directorial debut, Prateik & Kriti Malhotra's brilliant performance and

Gustavo Santaolalla's haunting score, Dhobi Ghat is no. 10 on my list.

9. Singham & TGIYB

Its the most unlikely tie that you are going to see in any list this year end. Singham for me worked brilliantly as a popcorn entertainer and I remember laughing and clapping throughout this mad masala film with unintentionally funny dialoguebaazi and hilarious tiger-paw dance moves. Nevertheless, this one had great chemistry between its lead actors(AD & PR) and a foot-taping background score which keeps you engaged and thoroughly entertained throughout. TGIYB on the other hand did not get the reception in India as it was expected to and many considered it as a big let down but for me it worked fine. Chitiyappa, Puja Swarup and the brilliant build up to the climax are the reasons. But the twist in the end was killed by none other but AK himself, who tweeted this spoiler of a review before the release. I also read somewhere that AK gave his actors the freedom to do whatever they felt like with a scene without telling them what to do, I just feel he shouldn't have followed the same with Kumud Misra for the pivotal climax scene.

8. Yeh Saali Zindagi

Nishat Khan, an US based sitar player along with Rajeev Kalbag are credited for this film's brilliant background score. A score that keeps up the pace of the film laced with quirky dialogues penned by Manu Rishi and SM himself. I had watched it at PVR-skywalk, Chennai and seeing a predominantly south Indian crowd going mad laughing at the typical North-Indian-Delhi style humor was delightful.

7. I AM

Its the only film in my list which I haven't watched in a theater(and I know this film needed it the most), reason-when it was released I was at Guwahati and not a single screen in Guwahati was playing it. Nevertheless, its a rewarding film where each story leaves you with plenty of questions. Its undoubtedly Onir's best film till date. Out of the four stories, my favorites will be Afia and Omar and that scene where Afia tears Suraj's (Purab kohli) phone no. is the moment that defined I am for me.

6. Stanley ka Dabba

This one is going to be the best film in many of the critic's top movies list but I got a little bored when I watched this bighearted film at a theater in Kolkata when my flight to Chennai got delayed, specially towards that school concert part where the screenplay dragged unnecessarily.

For Amole Gupte's honest approach of making Stanley, a brilliant central performance by his son Partho and all the food in the dabba which reminded me of my beautiful school days. Stanley is no. 6 on my list.

5. Rockstar

There is only one more movie beside this in the list which I have watched thrice in a theater and this movie seems brilliant and almost like a modern day masterpiece on second viewing. We all know what was good rather brilliant about rockstar (A.R.R & R.K) and what almost spoiled (Nargis fakhri) this film. If you want to read a really good piece on this film with which I almost agree is this brilliant post by Sudhish kamath.

4. I am Kalam

With a running time of only 87 minutes, I am Kalam was this year's smartest film. Also the most inspiring where director Nila Madhab Panda directed this sensitive film with zero melodrama and injected smart humor throughout. Also laced with brilliant performances (Harsh Mayar, Hussan Saad, Gulshan Grover & Pitobash) this little charmer of a film is no. 4 on my list.

3. Delhi Belly

No one in the industry does it like Aamir Khan, and if it wouldn't have been him, this wild roller coaster ride would never have been made. I watched it thrice, once just to check whether the hindi version was dubbed or re-shot and I swear I had fun each and every time. For an ensemble cast (special mention for the mind blowing Vijay Raaz), a brilliantly paced screenplay by Akshat Verma and a soundtrack that comes second only to Rockstar, Delhi Belly is deservedly no. 3 on my list.

2. Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

A lighthearted take on the way one should live life, ZNMD works because its such a well directed and a well acted film. This movie is also about the brilliant moments that Zoya Akhtar creates. Be it the pulsating sky diving sequence or the brilliant bull race climax or that touching Nasserudin-Farhan Akhtar confrontation or the perfectly timed poems. The way it made me feel when I watched it at PVR-MGF, Gurgaon cannot really be described and completely justified in such limited space. I can show you a video of a friend of mine- Kanav, who went ahead and did this after watching the film.

1. Shor in the city

My most favorite Hindi film of 2011. I remember watching it with my friends Shubhadeep and Sayantan at Fun Cinemas, Guwahati and boy what fun we had. The reason we go to cinemas, isn't it. Where Mandook (he gets my vote for the best debut) had me laughing every time he said "tera mann kaise karta hai rey" , next moment he had me anxiously biting my nails when he kept that gun on his head. This little film here is packed with such explosive scenes, some will make you roll with laughter and some will make your heart skip a beat. The romance between Tusshar (who is surprisingly very good in this film) and Radhika Apte is also the sweetest that you will see or might have seen in recent times. And the best thing about this movie is the baffling end which at first will make you think- 'what the hell is happening' but later, you realize its good that it finished this way- with hope. A hope that good can't die. A hope that such movies will be made in the future.

So, this was my list of top- 10 Hindi films of 2011. Do comment and let me know what you think about the films and about the post. Also tell me which were your favorite films of 2011. Below are a list of films which couldn't make it to the list and why.

Pyaar ka Punchnama- Despite a very good 1st half and brilliant camaraderie between its male leads, this film went downhill in the second half and I was quite bored with the repetitive suffering and the heart ache of the male leads. Though for the brilliant Liquid and that terrific monologue of Rajat, PKP deserves a mention in my 'almost made it' list.

Tanu Weds Manu and Mujhse Fraandship Karoge : These are two films which I haven't watched but were well received by both critics and the audience.

7 Khoon Maaf: Dark, daring and intelligent and far better than many so called 'blockbusters', this VB film was disappointingly boring and bland.

Diwali BASH!!! (Don't be misled).

2011-10-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

I am taking a small, a very small break from writing TGAC. Had to wish all my friends, 'Happy Diwali'. Below are 3 photos that shows the difference between how diwali is celebrated in an Ad agency (JWT) & how it is celebrated in a construction firm (my company). JWT's office is on the floor below ours. Enjoy :)

Copywriters (that is what they are called, right?) celebrating, drinking beer and eating tandoori chicken. A day before diwali.

Engineers :) . Same day. Same time.

One more photo showing how diwali was celebrated in my office.

Happy Diwali mates, have fun and play safe.

The Gang of American Colony- Bedant's gun & the Pandu Ghat.

2011-10-17T04:57:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction and any relevance to anyone is purely coincidental.

Chapter III

On their way back to American Colony, only one thing lingered inside their minds, “He will bloody kill you, all of you! Me, Fensghu and Abhijeet also. Everyone!” Did Shreya mean it? The trio were baffled. “Kya soch raha hai bey Bihari?” asked Prince, to which Bihari replied, rather disgustingly.

“Humko latrine laga bey baal, yeh TREKKER bahut dheere chal raha hai.” he looked tensed.

“Oye Bihari, darr humko bhi lag raha hai, par dekh bhai, pant mein matt karna bey” said Roy seriously.

The trio decided not to go back home until they decide on a concrete strategy on how to move forward with this already mind-fucked case. It was 11 PM, half of American colony was asleep and the other half was watching ‘ETV Bangla’, including Roy’s parents.

“Shotti koi? Darr to humko bhi thoda lag raha hai, lekin jab case liya hai to piche nahi hatt sakta, kya bolta hai Roy?” Asked Prince.

“Bechari Shreya,itna sundar ladki ko kaun marega, uska mann kaise Karta hai rey?” Asked Roy.

“Maaka shreya re chaar, tumko ko bhi wo marega.” Bihari shouted from inside the loo.

“Ladho mat saalo, Bedant ko call karo.” said Prince.

“Paagal ho gaya kya? Usko kyu call karega bey? hum nahi karega!” said a terrified Roy.

“Haan baal woh tumko phone mein ghuske marega toh, ro hum karta hai.” Said Bihari, as he came out holding a stained bucket.

Bihari called Bedant and very calmly told him that they have a lead in the case and regarding that they wanted to meet him, without mentioning anything about the incident that happened at the club.

“Woh apna ghar mein bula raha hai bey, I said we will come.” said Bihari.

“Pagol niki?? Hum nahi jayega. Goli maar diya toh?” Said Roy.

“Mat jao baal tum. Saala fattu. Detective bhi banna aur gaand bhi fatt ta hai” Said Bihari angrily.

“Janos ekta kotha, Fear is temporary, Pride is forever.” Said prince.

“Hoisey, chance milne se hi dealing deta hai yeh, usko yahaan kyu nahi bulaya? Kyu jayega hum log uske ghar, kyu?” Said a hyper Roy.

Roy gave in, he had no choice, the trio reached Uzan bazaar, they carried a bottle of pepper spray and had decided that if they feel anything suspicious they will spray it on Bedant and run for their lives.

“Sir asey ney?” enquired Prince. The door of Bedant’s 1BHK apartment was open. The trio could spot guitar cables, amps, processors, a drum pedal. Sure the room looked like a rock artist’s messed up night fall.

“Ki pocha gondho!” said Roy covering his nose.

They heard the strumming of acoustic guitar from the bedroom.

“Saarrrr!!” shouted Roy from the top of his voice. Bihari and Prince passed a ‘what-the-heck-happened-to-him’ glance.

“Marenge toh saath marenge, baal! prince tui amaar best friend cheeli bey, love you baal and Bihari I love you too, magar tum thoda paaka hai bey.” hurriedly said a super nervous Roy, whose legs had started shaking.

"Chup thaak bey, please!" said an equally nervous Bihari.

“Oii bhitorot aa.” ordered Bedant.

“Joi Maa kali” said Roy, gulping down his fear and holding Prince and Bihari’s hand.

“Calm down, remember fear is temporary...” Prince couldn’t complete.

“Bhakk baal!!!” shouted Bihari.

The trio entered the room. Unwashed sport socks, clothes on the floor that hadn’t been worn in ages, wafer packets, an unfinished red bull can which was stinking like an expired cough syrup, scattered cds, and a GUN!!!

The trio spotted the gun together, and exchanged a ‘Spray-THU-hai-na?’ glance.

“Oii ki sai aaso bey?” Bedant Charged Roy.

“Sir aise hi maney thoda....oi bolo Bihari kya dekh raha tha tum. Bolo? Hain naughty? Sir won’t mind.” said Roy, Prince and Bihari were convinced that Roy had smoked pot.

“We were watching the gun, beautiful it is, which made sir?” continued Roy.

Smart move indeed.

“Ha Ha, isn’t it sexy? It’s a .44 magnum. I am going to kill you guys with it...GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!” said Bedant and started laughing loudly.

“Sir is so funny, isn’t it prince, joke maarise ne sir?” said Bihari as he became more nervous.

“I am not joking you fools, tell me why you came here, you got to know about that Abhijeet? Where does he stay? Shoot kori dim taak, kela!” said Bedant turning violent.

“You know about Abhijeet?” asked prince, he wanted to take command. They have had enough.

“Yes, I do. You have a problem with that?” replied Bedant

“Yes, I have a problem with that, why didn’t you tell us about him earlier? I want to know.” asked Prince confidently.

“Look kid, I just know that she is with him, and she is not safe with him, I just want Shreya to be safe. He is a dangerous Man.” replied Bedant.

Hearing this Bihari jumped across Bedant’s Bed and quickly grabbed the gun before anyone could figure out what is happening.

“Baal bahut ho gaya natak, she is saying you are dangerous, you are saying, Abhijeet is dangerous, I will tell you who is dangerous?” asked Bihari holding the gun.

“Who?” replied a rather calm Bedant.

“We baal! And mind you billa we are NOT kids, never call my friend a kid again, otherwise I will shoot your mouth off! Now tell us everything. ” demanded Bihari, still pointing the gun towards Bedant.

“Usme goli nahi hai, relax! Sit down!” said and smiled Bedant.

“Oh!” exclaimed Bihari, looking inside the nozzle of the empty gun.

‘Kya Thaassi khaya bey!’ thought Roy smirking.

“There is no point of being angry with me; Shreya is madly in love with that criminal. He has brain washed her. And I also know she met you. She was mad at me because I contacted you.” explained Bedant.

“Criminal?” asked Prince.

“Yes, a criminal, he smuggles drugs, mainly cocaine into Guwahati. Shreya has also become an addict, I want to save her, rescue her from the hands of that monster, he is using her.” Said Bedant, as he broke down and started crying.

The trio was amazed to see the tough Bedant weeping like a 4 year old.

“A big consignment is going to arrive tomorrow night at PANDU GHAT; Abhijeet is surely going to be there and may be even Shreya.” Said Bedant, controlling his emotions.

“Why don’t you inform the police?” asked Prince.

“I can’t. Shreya is involved. I want you guys to go there and somehow take that package and run away, I will pay you anything. Abhijeet will definetly come looking for you, and then we will call the police. ” said Bedant.

A crying Bedant, a beautiful Shreya in despair and a lofty sum of money was sufficient for them to say yes to Bedant’s risky plan. Next night they were at the infamous Pandu Ghat. It was 12:15 AM.

Pandu Ghat, was a notorious little bank, beside the mighty Brahmaputra. It was just a 5 minutes’ walk from American Colony. Though extremely dirty and neglected by the Government, it was still somehow thriving because of all the illegal trade. Oil, antiques, tea, poached items etc, illegally made their way in and out of Guwahati via Pandu Ghaat.
It was pitch dark and there was not a single living soul at the Ghat.

“Oi hum mazaak nahi kar raha hai, but hum suna hai ki yahaan bhoot woot hota hai bey.” said Roy.

“Oye please Roy, Shut up yaar. They will come here any moment.” Replied Prince.

Almost an hour had passed, and there was no sign of any consignment, Bihari was tensed as he took out one joint from of his shirt’s pocket and just when he was about to lit it, they saw a light approaching the bank.

“Baal, kuch aa raha hai bey, seems like a boat. maaka, itna chota boat?” said Bihari puffing out the smoke.

"Ya, so that no one doubts. They use these small fishermen from nearby villages." explained Prince.

“Who will come to collect it? Nouka toh pahuch gaya.” Asked Roy.

There were two almost naked boaters, may be fishermen who came with a bag in a small wooden boat. They dropped off the bag at the bank and rushed off.

“Abbey yeh to bina signal ka hi maal daal diya, 3 baar torch on-off, fata note, kuch bhi nai kiya. Kaun aayega isko lene?” Said Roy.

“Tera naam ka.....Shala yaha pein filam ka shooting ho raha hai,laath khayega tum?” Replied Bihari

“Thik hai jhagdo mat, hum jaake uthaye? Koi nahi dikh raha hai, it’s a good chance.” said Prince.

“How do we know, it’s the same bag? Kisi aur ka hua toh?” questioned Roy.

“Teeno saath chalte hai!” suggested Bihari.

The trio moved towards the bag, slowly walking and keeping a watch at their surroundings.

“Sach mein cocaine hai kya bey baal? Let just take it and give it to police, Bhaad mein jaaye Shreya, Bedant...” said Roy as he saw Prince slowly moving his hand towards the bag, but before he could lay his hands on it, they heard a familiar noise.

It was a Siren!

“Ambulance?? Itna raat ko?” asked Roy.

“Prince, just pick it up and run and ensure its safe, Roy you come with me, POLICE aa gaya baal!” said Bihari with horrific calmness.

Prince picked up the bag and ran at the opposite direction. Bihari and Roy also ran, they were spotted by the Police jeep and were followed; it did not take the old police jeep from the nearby Jhalukbari Thana much time to catch the two. That is when Bihari whispered into Roy’s ear.

“Mera 1st time hai thana mein, tera?”

Prince knew that the policemen did not see him, but he was worried for his two friends and more than that he was tensed about the 2 kgs of cocaine he was holding. He had to hide it safely. As he reached the residential area, he saw a bike approaching him in full speed. A biker doing stunts at 1 AM was not a common site. He held the bag tightly. The biker was rushing towards him as if he was going to hit him.

The biker crossed Prince, through the helmet only his eyes were visible, they looked familiar. He had a huge built. Prince turned back to see if the biker had gone. NO, he had stopped and was turning the bike, which is when Prince started running. The biker rushed to hit Prince with the bike, he was badly hurt.

Prince limped and tried to chase him as he snatched the bag from him and flew away. The tail light of his bike vanished slowly into the dark alley.

Who was that biker? How did he know about the gang being there? What will happen to Bihari and Roy at the police station? Stay tuned and keep visiting this blog space as the mystery unfolds in the coming chapters.

........................................................

We would like to thank everyone who painstakingly read the initial drafts and suggested us essential changes.

Sketches By- Shubhadeep Sengupta

Written By- Shubhadeep Sengupta & Varun Varghese

You can also read this story here

The Gang of American Colony- Disco 82

2011-10-08T11:20:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction and any relevance to anyone is purely coincidental.

Chapter II

The Gang got their first case and more importantly 3000 bucks. Bihari wanted to go to a bar but Prince suggested that they rather save it and use it for the investigation. Eventually they went back to their respective homes, which happened to be just adjacent to one another, typical Railway colonies, and decided to meet the next morning. That night, Prince and Roy chatted on Facebook

Roy: Oye, Apoorva has accptd Ur frnd req wow! Congrates

Prince: No, it’s me who accepted her req ok! And it’s not congratEs baal, Gujarati hai kya tum??

Roy: bhakk maksai, then y hv u written on her wall, “thanx for adding, bdw Ur profile pic is really nice”

Prince: brb, smone calling

Roy: its ok, I understand! Abbey ek baat bol to…ladki ke saath chat karo toh ‘hehehehe’ karke hasna chaiye ya ‘hahahahaha’ karke?

Prince: ‘LOL’ maar de baal

Roy: hmm…ok!

Prince: have you thought anything about the case?

Roy: What case baal?

Prince: Maaka the case we got today, how will we move fwd with it. Try to find out where she lives, spy on her, stalk her…baal kuch to karna padega!

Roy: Ya I have sent her a fraansdhip request :P

Prince: What? Baal tum mental hai kya? She should not know that we are spying on her! Billa humara company start hone ke pehle khatam kar diya tum.

Roy: Kya hua bey? Itna bada case ho gya kya? Usko toh bahut friendship request aata hoga ek din mein! Oye pls Bihari ko mat bolna bey.

Prince: I don’t know yaar. Agar info nikaalna hi tha through fb then it shld hv been me who shld hv talked to her…tujhe ghanta bhi kuch aata hai..

Roy: Oye Prince……bhai she accepted my frnd req bey, and she is online now!

Next morning they met as planned, Bihari had no idea about the chat between the other two. “Let’s order pizza bey, pizza kha kha ke sochega hum” said a hungry Bihari. Prince took out his phone to make the order, but before he could make his call the phone rang, it was an unknown no.! Prince received the call.

“Hello! Hard hit agency? Can I speak to Amritangshu?” the guy said in a very ‘call-centre’ accent.

“Amritangshu? There is no….” said prince but before he could complete, Bihari interrupted!

“Oye Baal amaar naam bey Amritangshu, kaun hai yeh nice man, phone do humko.”

‘Amritangshu’ took the phone from prince and said “Hello, yes Amritangshu here! Who is it?”

“aee petla, humko pehchana?” asked the unknown voice. “Nahi bey, kaun hai bhai tum?” replied Bihari blankly. “Fengshu bey baal, remember?” replied the man, “Kaun Fensgshu bey?” asked Bihari. “Abey Debanjan bey, bhool gaya humko? I was with you in school, my stage name is Fengshu, DJ Fengshu, suna toh hoga hi, and these days I play in Club Zero.”

Debanjan a.k.a DJ Fengshu was Bihari’s classmate in school, no one expected him to become what he is today. A below average performer in school and college, decided to ‘burn the dance floor’! He used to work as a part-time-make-shift DJ at the newly opened discotheques in Guwahati. More than the money it was the girls that gave him a high. His habit of wooing young school girls had brought him much trouble.

“Listen, it’s something important, kya tum log aaj mere club aa sakte ho?” requested Fengshu

“Kya hua bey?” asked Bihari anxiously. Whatever Fengshu said after that took the gang by surprise, they were not expecting it. He said, “It’s about your case, it’s about Shreya Deb, I need to tell you something very important, please come to club zero tonight”. Bihari gave a grave look to the other two, Prince asked him to put the phone on loudspeaker, Bihari did that and asked Fengshu, “What about her?” Fengshu replied, “We can’t talk on phone. You guys have to come here; your life is in danger! Our lines may be tapped. I will text you the address, be there by 9. Shreya will be there too!” , saying that Fengshu cut the call.

No one spoke anything for the next 45 seconds, after that

“ Joi Maa Kali. Everything will be fine, we will ROCK it!” Said an excited Roy

“Oye! Sab ready hoke aana bey please, accha DRESS! pehanke” Pleaded Prince.

The gang took a city bus to club zero; city buses are the best way of transport inside Guwahati, “I have never been to a disco bey baal” confessed Bihari. “Will there be a lot of girls? Sab miniskirts pehenke aayega kya baal? I toh have even heard that discs mein ganja milta hai”, asked an excited Bihari. “Even I have never been to one”, said Roy keeping a hand on his shoulder, “You guys don’t worry, main hoon na.”, said Prince swinging his elbow behind his head. (Yes, Shahrukh was his favorite actor!).

Club zero was 5 minutes from the bus stand, situated in the heart of Guwahati city, was famous among students as it provided free entry for couples.

“You have membership?” asked one of the bouncers

M. Shankar his name plate said. He was tall and had a big body; he was Bihari, Roy and Prince in one.

“No we don’t. We came here on the invitation of the club DJ, Fengshu. Tell him that Amritangshu and his friends have come.” Prince said boldly.

“I don’t have to. You people are already on the guest list. This way sir.” Replied M. Shankar.

“ Dekha, kaise tackle kartey hai?” Proudly said Prince.

“Baal biceps ta deksosh, kya banaya bey!” said Roy to Bihari brushing off Prince

The trio entered the disc. Dance floor-consoles-lights-drinks-girls. The gang had never seen such things; they were excited and uncomfortable at the same time. “Sir please be seated, Fengshu da will join you soon” said the waiter showing them the plush sofa. “Yey bey!! Ki chaaliya jagah!, Oye bihari, oi oi maal ta re dekh! Tere peeche!” Roy said pointing towards hot girls sitting behind Bihari on another sofa.

Prince was trying to look for Shreya, the reason they came here! They never expected her to contact them. Why did she call them? She was their case! Fengshu had even mentioned that their life was in danger. Was Fengshu Shreya’s new boyfriend? “Hi”, came a girl’s voice, it was a young teenage girl.

Prince wanted to reply to the girl, but he was sitting diametrically opposite to her and he had to shout to make her listen. Bihari replied “Hi” (had a big smile on his face). “You like emo?” asked the girl, “huh?” replied Bihari, he had no clue. “So, you don’t like emo? I also don’t like emo! I am more into Goth!” the girl told making faces. Bihari was staring at her, turned back and said in a very low voice “ki bey baal.” The girl was waiting for an answer, when she did not get any; she asked “will you buy me a drink?”

The conversation was interrupted by the ‘man of the house’, DJ Fengshu was here. Dressed in a simple round neck shirt and jeans, he wore his headphones around his neck. He welcomed the gang. Offered drinks. “Let’s talk business guys.”, said Fengshu. “Where is Shreya?” demanded Prince in a tone which Fengshu didn’t enjoy. He gave a hard stare to Prince, Prince did not deter, and he looked back straight into his eyes. “Ask your friend to calm down, I am just trying to help. He may not go back in a single piece if he gives me such stares. People love me here.” Bihari and Roy were shocked. 'He is not the Debanjan I knew', thought Bihari. Fengshu started to breathe faster; he was chanting 'shanti-shanti'. Slowly he moved his hand in air and shook his body hard. “This helps me calm down, do you do yoga Amritangshu?” Still shocked, seeing his childhood friend like this, Bihari replied in a very dull voice “No!”

“Ahaan! Here is the girl, wow you look stunning babe!” DJ Fengshu said completely ignoring Bihari’s No.

She was wearing a one-piece-single-strap-black-prom dress made up of 100% satin silk. Sexy-hot-beautiful-graceful, every word seemed to be an understatement. Her hair was let loose; the small red blob on her chin rather looked cute. 'The small pimple on her face is like a cherry on a cake, yummy!' thought Roy. They were dumbstruck.

“Someone was dancing really hard, huh?” asked Fengshu welcoming Shreya. The trio was still staring at her. She was looking gorgeous. She smelled good, 'Davidoff perhaps' thought Prince. “Hey Shreya, this is Amritangshu, and they are his..umm… colleagues, ya Amritangshu?” said the rude-dude-of-the-night, to which Bihari replied “they are my friends”. The gang quickly exchanged a yeh-dosti-hum-nahi-todenge-aur-jo-bakwaas-karega-usko-phodenge glance. Prince was still looking at her when she caught him staring, she asked, “what’s your name?”

Silence, those were the 1^st words she spoke, she had a sensuous voice, hearing her felt like a drop of cold icy water on a bare back. Prince had already fallen for her. He replied “You don’t know my name?” to which Shreya laughed and said “No, I don’t. Fengshu had told, but I forgot.”

'Fengshu-ki-maka-saki-naka' thought Prince.

“How did you know about us, why did you call us here?” bombarded Bihari

“I read a message on Bedant’s phone, he is a maniac, and we are not together anymore. We broke up long back. But he still thinks us to be together.” Justified Shreya

“She is with Abhijeet Da these days, Bedant doesn’t know.” explained Fengshu.

'KLPD' thought Prince, Roy asked her “What are we supposed to do? Bedant is our client and he is paying us.”

“He is a maniac, you guys can’t revert, Bedant is a very dangerous guy. He is a bloody gunda. We will pay you double; just see that Abhijeet’s name doesn’t come in all this.” said Fengshu.

'Did he say double?' Thought the trio is unison. Ha!

“What will happen if we, us and you together just tell him. Sit calmly somewhere and tell him everything, he will understand. Aisa kya hi ho jayega?” asked Prince.

“He will bloody kill you, all of you! Me, Fensghu and Abhijeet also. Everyone!” Shreya leaned and whispered.

................................................................

Who is this Abhijeet? Are Fengshu and Shreya lying? Will Prince be able to woo Shreya? Is Bedant being framed or is he actually that dangerous? Visit this blog space to find out, how these ‘friends’ proceed with the twisted case.

..................................................................................................................

We would like to thank everyone who painstakingly read the initial drafts and suggested us essential changes.

Sketches By- Shubhadeep Sengupta

Written By- Shubhadeep Sengupta & Varun Varghese

You can also read this story here

The Gang of American Colony- The Beginning of Misadventures

2011-10-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

Hard Shit Detective Agency:

Because truth shits harder than a mere doubt.

Contact: Princi- 75643-82345

“Hard shit? What the....Did u see what they printed? Baal dekha nahi tum?” Prince came running and shouting inside the 6X8 room holding a newspaper in his hand, where his friends Bihari and Roy were already reading the same article. Prince was convinced that it was a big blow to his charmer image. He did not want any girl on his ‘friend list’ to read it.

Prince was a self proclaimed Abhimanyu, in his case it was flirting that he thought he learnt when he was in his mummy’s tummy. Prince used to stay busy liking and commenting on girls’ photos and in free time he would give exams for the distant MBA program that he was pursuing from Sikkim Manipal University. Today he was wearing his favorite kurta over his ‘branded Levi’s’ jeans. He wanted his friends (girls on facebook) to know him as this modern guy who is an ethnic Bengali at heart.

“Ae ae Shuorer baccha!! Paisa tumhara baap diya tha? Matha gorom mat kar” Fought back Bihari baba. Originally born with the name of Amritangshu Bhattacherjee, was called Bihari baba for his mom who allegedly tried to elope with her Bihari doodhwala. Bihari, their fat betel chewing red teeth friend was a self proclaimed Bob Marley bhakt, grass was his staple diet and he wanted everyone to call him chota Marley but alas! There were stories and much speculation about what he was studying and what was his qualification. He told everyone that he had done engineering but there were rumors of him discontinuing school. Roy and prince never cared or asked him.

“Aur han billa hamara naam prince hai princi nahi!, mera izzat maar diya tum!” Prince still holding the newspaper article in his hand and staring at it in shock!

“Next time we will publish in that magazine bey baal...jaha par gupt rogon ke visheshgya Dr. Gupta, kya aap apney yonsambhandic jiban se santusht hai jaise Ads aatey hai! Kya naam hai baal uss magazine ka? Maaka orom manusher-e detective agency beshi lagey. They can’t satisfy their women on bed and their women go on to have affairs with the doodhwala” Roy said, as he looked and gave a sly smile to Bihari

“Oi Roy last warning de raha hai…hamara maa ka bare mein kuch bola na joota khol ke maarega” replied Bihari

“I say use fb” interrupted Prince

“efbee??” enquired Roy.

“Baal facebook!! Fb nahi janta hai yeh . Shala blue film ko BF bolta hai yeh janta hai but facebook ko fb bolta yeh nahi janta hai yeh Billa” said Bihari still angry with him for his doodhwala comment.

“Samjha! Dealing mat do. What is your plan?” asked Roy.

The old garage at Roy’s house in American colony was made the office of their newly opened detective agency. They had named it ‘hard hit detective agency’. The garage was creaky and had big patches on the faded green walls. Mr. Roy, father of Chiranjit Roy was more than happy to give his unused garage to his only son, who was pretty wasted for almost a year without job after his BBA degree from Bangalore. Roy born with rather no ambition was brought up by enthusiastic Bengali parents who sent him for every kind of coaching ranging from tabla to cricket, from singing to art classes; sadly Roy was no good with anything. For the agency also he volunteered half heartedly.

“So we will make a page on FB mane like most of the famous people. We will share videos, pictures, notes etc for our page’s promotion and in this way we can reach to a maximum number of customers.” Clarified Bihari

“Idea ta tamam bey. How are you still unemployed?” said Prince, congratulating Bihari

“Shob kismot bujli..shob kismot! Nahi toh mera jaisa boy who is so versatile in every damn thing is still unemployed.” Loftily said Bihari. .

“Anyone Home?” They heard a voice, soon they saw a figure emerging, and he looked as if he were coming straight from a rock concert on VH1, which Bihari used to watch regularly.

“Oye Prince, customer bey!” Whispered Roy in disbelief

“Hey! Are you guys spies?? Like real professional spies??” asked Bedant pointing a finger at the trio.

Bedant, came in wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt and a ¾ quarter pant. His long locks made him look grungy as if he hasn’t taken bath for quite some time.

The trio jumped from their places in excitement and Prince said “yes sir we are private detectives, the most professional private detectives in town. We investigate everything from a lost pin to a lost girlfriend. Everything sir! What do you want us to find for you??” There was silence inside the room, Bedant looked sad and was not replying, Bihari interrupted “Sir, chai khaabo sir?”

“I want peace; can you guys find that for me?” Bedant replied adjusting his long locks, the trio from American colony had no idea what to say, they had read a lot of Sherlock Holmes, Feluda and Byomkesh Bakshi before starting the agency but no book was helping them now but still Roy replied “We will sir, tell us what happened?”

“My girl I believe is having a relationship with someone else” said Bedant looking lost and staring the ugly patches on the wall. “Sir, we are planning to paint it this puja, you are married sir?” asked Roy

“Gadho neki bey kela toi? Tema Gorom nokor” fired back Bedant.

“Sir, please don’t heed to him. He is new in the agency. Do you have her latest photo?” asked Prince trying to pacify. “Yeah I have.” Bedant said as he reached for the photo in his wallet and handed over it to Prince.

“Sir, we need you to fill up this form, just a formality.” Asked Prince;

“I read in the newspaper that you guys charge 3000 and 1000 as advance, here is 3000” Bedant throwing a bundle of notes on to the table, “I will give you another 5,000, just get me a photo of that whore with her new boy friend.” Bedant said rubbing his nose. The trio exchanged happy glances, 3000/- was a big sum of money for them; it meant a month long supply of Alcohol, weed (for Bihari) and pork momos. It meant now they can finally edit the ‘works at’ section on their facebook profiles. Bedant stood up to leave just when Prince interrupted “Sir, it’s not shit, its hit! The Ad…..”

“Janu bey baal, doesn’t matter just get me something ok, kiba solid aanibi!” demanded Bedant

“Yes sir”, the trio replied in unison.

Bedant left and the trio looked at the photo of the girl, Roy was quick to comment “hot maal kintu?” to which Bihari replied “Oye billa be professional! Bring the form”. The trio read the form to discover that Bedant was the lead guitarist of a local rock band called 'Bicycle Stand' in Guwahati and was dating Shreya Deb for the last 6 years. That meant she was in High school when they started going out. The form also stated that Shreya was a lunatic and also showed signs of split personality and that she was under the medical supervision of her family psychiatrist (whatever that meant).

“We can’t just trust what Bedant says, she looks like a you know a good girl, a nice girl” prince said and hoped the other two will agree, instead Bihari replied “Don’t jump on conclusions, let us just start our investigation and have zero pre-notion about anyone, tu kya bolta hai Roy?” to which Roy replied, still looking at her photo “ki maal bey!”

Visit this blog space to find out how the dumb trio proceeds with the case, is the girl guilty? Or is Bedant lying? Or will our heroes fall for the pretty Shreya. Be with our American Colony heroes as they embark on this journey filled with twists and turns.

...............................................................................................

We would like to thank everyone who painstakingly read the initial drafts and suggested us essential changes.

Sketches By- Shubhadeep Sengupta

Written By- Shubhadeep Sengupta & Varun Varghese

You can also read this story here

Mausam- Before & After

2011-09-24T15:15:00.000-07:00

Its 4 Am and I am still awake, reason being- I went to watch Mausam, and this is what it did to me!

Love,philosophy and dandruff!

2011-09-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

Preface

Ashish, as he sat on his seat staring his computer monitor, he saw some hair on his desk! Just to prove himself that its not his hair, he moved his fingers through his scalp to find hair on his palm and dandruff falling on his shoulder, Avik, the jaali philosopher sitting behind was quick to comment "Tension! Tension lene se baal jhadte hai"

The following story is completely cooked up and is a result of my uncreative (this word is NOT there in dictionary.com !!) imagination!

Avik pushed himself and his chair towards Ashish, kept his hand on his shoulder (not on the one where dandruff fell) and said- "Bhai, you want a release". Ashish did not get it, like always! Avik's Philosophy was way too Philosophical for everyone in office. Ashish asked him "release?" , "Ya a release! like you have to channel all your frustration out via something". Avik went on..

"Do you play guitar??...NO!"

"Do you write??..NO!"

"Do you party??...NO!'

"You dont even do Viparita Karani man!"..."you know you have to channel your frustration..you know...like.." Avik making a channel in air using his hands while Ashish amusedly looked at him...."take all out...everything!" Avik finished to see he had a few more listeners, the whole row was listening to him. Ashish asked him "What the fuck is Viparita Karani??"

It was almost lunch, Geetanjali hasn't called yet and Ashish wont call. The day was passing as he juggled through some mundane work, Avik's Philosophy and checking his phone/inbox. "When I see your name flashing on my phone, it makes me very happy, it brings a smile on my face", Ashish remembered Geetanjali telling that to him.

Ashish took out his phone again! He remembered how Geetanjali called him sick and disgusting last night, he also remembered how she told him that he had a superiority complex and a very BIG ego! (Though he completely forgot how he daily calls her boring and unexciting and unromantic and a mind fuck!). Ashish was missing her badly; he wanted to talk to her. He tried to recall that who was actually at fault yesterday night and who should call 1st and apologize. Confused, he thought to toss and decide. He thinks 'Head aaya toh I will call her, nahi toh...' ... He tosses the coin..TAIL it is. He thinks 'Best of 3'...he tosses the coin again..Its TAIL again! He picks up the coin and walks out of the office (no he doesnt think about a best of 5!), he goes to the terrace and takes out his phone..if this story would have been a film, then this scene would have been the climax, Ashish on the terrace holding his phone..the camera covering him from all the angles and an ever rising pulsating score on the back ground! The camera even covering the sweat on his right cheek! The fight is between him wanting to talk to her and his male ego which is at an all time high! He takes out her no. from the contact list...stares at his phone..takes his thumb towards the green button, mind you! In Slow Motion! And before he could press it, his phone starts ringing! And this time the bewildered smile was on his face. It was 'Geetu Calling' !

Epilogue

Ashish before Geetanjali could say anything "I was going to call you ok, give me a chance yaar, I dont have any ego!"

Geetanjali started laughing and said "ok, call me back then.."

Ashish said "Wait..wait..listen to me atleast, let me complete..."

Geetanjali asked "What?"

Ashish replied "I am sorry and I love you very much and please dont fight with me, I mean I will also not fight with you..I dont feel good when we fight"

Geetanjali Said "Ok, look I am also sorry for.." Ashish interrupted her in between and asked her "Arey leave all this, I want to ask you something very important, tell me frankly ok??"

Geetanjali Said "ya, ok!"

Ashish Went on "Will you leave me if I lose all my hair and go bald??"

This one's trash...scroll down!

2011-09-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

As I start writing my new blog post, I shall tell you I dont have a title for it yet, I may end up calling it 'the filler post'. Why the filler post?? I dont know, may be because I am filling it with my random-absurd-3'O clock-in-the-night thoughts! or just because its like those filler performances that one used to have in between big performances(the one with hot girls) in college. Its not that my previous or my next were or will be BIG! In fact my last blog post had very few readers, even lesser than my previous posts (may be because of the length), but my last post is my most favourite! When you read, you will know why! The way this post is going, now it can also be called 'The Post you write to make people read your last post'.
There are not many but a few who have read all my posts, it started in the summer of 2009 and now its a completely different blog, because I am a completely different person!(may be not, but I like the idea of change in general) Now I only plan to write short stories and such trash filler posts. When do I write my next short? I dont know! What I know is that I just want to end this post abruptly! Just like that! I want you people to go 'What the Duck just happened??' and I want you to look at the screen like the uncle ji in the photo... peace and love :)

Boomba and his 6 chats!

2011-08-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

The following story is completely cooked up and is a result of my uncreative(this word is there in the dictionary right??) imagination!
1st Chat, Date 24th May 2011
me: hey :)
you look so cute in ur new fb prof pic
me: cutieeeeee???? u der?
angry with me?? chweetuuu??
Meenal: wat hppnd? I dnt want to talk to you!
me:will u tell me atlst, u hv been behaving stargnly!!! :X
Meenal: I am behaving strangely???
me: strangely* , ya u are, you can atlst receive my calls, temme atlst wats the matter!
.....
me: chweetu temme jaanu
Meenal: dont call me that, keep your B-grade names wd u! neither do I like em nor are they funny! PLEASE!
me: the way you are behaving is driving me crazy and making me very angry! I am asking u for the last time wat hppnd??
Meenal: making you angry?? really? I DONT GIVE A DAMN
Meenal: I dont want to talk to you, no point of calling me, I am not going to receive!
me: look, I also dont want to talk, I just dont want you to blame me for smthng I dint do, I was not talking to any girl that night! Gimme a chance to clarify, please pick up! plese!
please*
Meenal: You make me cry! please! dont do this, I want to be alone!
me: please meenal, just once! I love u very much! please!
......................................................................
2nd Chat, 15th May 2011
Diya: dude! u der?
me: hey :))
hows u babe? hws life?
Diya: m good man, hows u...wat u doing?
me: I am talking to you..i guess :P :P
Diya: lamO :P anyways do you knw dis guy... Prabhu Ganesh! Man he is bugging me like crazy, says he knows me and saw me walking some ramp fr some shw in his coll...u knw him?
me: No, he texting you?
Diya: No, fb man, daily! not only him...I am flooded with frnd reqs of unknown people!I am such a celebrity kya?? *sigh* ;)
me: ya honey you are too hot to handle!
Diya: yuck Robin! tht was supposed to be funny? shall I laugh? (I am fainting!)
......
Diya:der??
me: ya ya, temme..
Diya:ya dis guy, u knw him?? neways wat u upto dese days? where r u?
me: I am in Delhi, preparing for masters! u?
Diya: I am in Bangy man, TCS!
me:Bangy?? so hws it going? job and all?
Diya: Bangalore hon :) Everything's smooth , colleagues are super tharki, but its ok, can use em easily (I wink), but my boss is a stud han! Masters frm US. HAWT!(I wink again!)
me: nice ya, so havn fun??
Diya:hey gtg dude, ciao <3 <3
me: bye :) <3 to u too :P :P
...............................................................
3rd Chat, 17th May 2011
PrabhuGanesh: Boombaaaaaa, kaisi hai tum?
me: chutiye! kya kaand kar rha hai yeh?
PrabhuGanesh: kya hua?
me: Diya bol rahi thi...bahut tang karta hai tu usse??
PrabhuGanesh:bhai ultimate cheez hai! kya kehti hai woh?, bhai ki baat kara de yaar! hain?
me: abey kya bey, standard kyu gira rha hai apna?
PrabhuGanesh: saale ek cheez aaj likh le, you can hate her, you can love her but kasam aamir khan ke kutte sharukh ki YOU CANT IGNORE HER!
me: bhakk bc, saali bahut pakaati hai yaar, apne aap ko pata nahi kya samajhti hai??
bolti hai I stay in BANGY!!! lol
PrabhuGanesh: saale tereko hints de rahi hai BANG-i, baat kara de yaar bhai ki...hain?
me:abey chod yaar...
PrabhuGanesh:main bhi toh vahin bol raha hoon, abey chod yaar....hahahhahahahaha....bhai ki baat kara de yaar....hain?? hahahahhaha
me: yaar papa ne account bana liya hai fb mein! frnd req abhi tak accept nahi ki hai...kya karoon??
PrabhuGanesh: haha, uncle cool hai yaar, bindaas accept kar! vaise bhi unse use toh hona nahi hai...tension na le...aur bhabhi kaisi hai??
me: dnt talk abt her, space hi nahi deti hai yaar...long distance sucks man!
PrabhuGanesh: sucks man?? achaa! sahi hai...aur bata
me: yahoo mein ek bandi mili hai yaar....bolti hai "gandi baatein karo mujhse" lol
PrabhuGanesh: abey dinner aa gya hai...baad mein baat karte hai
me: chal ok!
PrabhuGanesh: acha sun na??
me: haan bol
PrabhuGanesh: bhai ki baat kara de yaar...hain?? hahahhahaha
me:bhagg saale...bye.tc
.....................................................................
4th Chat, 20 May 2011
Papa: Hello Robin, how are you? regards papa
Mummy wants to talk to you..now mummy will type ok?
hello boomba how are you??
Papa: had your dinner?
me: I am studying papa! will call you!
Papa: ok beta, study hard. eat properly, don't skip meals take care.
Regards Papa.
.........................................................................
5th Chat, 23 May 2011
me: hey der, 24 m delhi, asl pls?
*buzz*
saima.khan: hey, 29 f bhopal
me: wanna do dirty chatting on mic? I am very naughty!! are you naughty too??
saima.khan: show face 1st...
me: ok
.....saima.khan is viewing your cam......
me: u like wat u see han? bahut gandi baatein karunga...c2c?? mic toh on karo....
*buzz*
saima.khan: cam hai nahi...mic hai nahi...
me: yaar dis is not fair...will make the night memorable fr u...I am very very naughty...meri aankhon mein shararat dekho??
saima.khan:8884136762...call
.....saima.khan has stopped viewing your cam.....
....
me: WOW! we should do this more often
saima.khan: please ph. no. pass mat kijiyega
me: oh dont worry...
saima.khan: abhi mujhe jaana hai,bye
me: bye <3 :*
saima.khan: aur haan! aap sach mein bahut naughty hain!
....................................................................
6th Chat, 25 May 2011
me: Meenal please pick up my call...please, I beg u...
I dunno who is doing ur brain wash....please trust me
.....
me: pleae pick up!!!
please*
me: I love you very much, please dont do this, I am very sorry if I have hurt you!
phone uthao yaar I am sorry na yaar nw wat??
....
me: what do you think you are huh? Lemme tell you one thing you are one nagging insecure gf and yes I was talking to a girl that night, and I was talking to her sexy things, things I can never tell u, things that you will never lemme tell u...GO TO HELL! I am breaking up with you...
....
me: Meenal I am very sorry for the last few lines, u knw that is not me...the devil in me made me write that baby, I am sorry, I dont mean them, they are not true I just wanted your attention. Please please pick my calk
call*

The End

Comeback Post

2011-05-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

So here I am, after a long tough year! Back! It was very important to revive the blog, the old template like my life was getting on my nerves. Now the wounded Rambo very much explains my condition. Last one year has been quite a lesson, I have learnt a lot of things. I have learnt that its better and easy to spend (parent's money) than earn! I have learnt that people who love dogs are better human beings than people who love cats, I have learnt that Men who stay a little hyper or angry or short-tempered or who are extremely active become father to girls as compared to the calm and cool kind who generally become daddy to boys. Anyone wants to have a bet that MS Dhoni's 1st child will be a boy and Yuvraj's will be a girl?? I have learnt that falling in love is more romantic than being in love. I have learnt that a female pant has the button on the left side! (twisted creatures!) I have learnt that how much ever I promise to be active and keep blogging, its very difficult because I am rarely creative and very lazy and the most important thing that I have learnt is that you cant live alone :). I will end my comeback post here with a hope that I can write again soon.

Operation SOS

2010-08-03T04:01:00.000-07:00

Something called Butterfly Phase

2009-10-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

I know. I know. Its been ages, to be exact 50 days, almost like a summer holiday, but what can I do, I was going through/experiencing/having(whatever suits) this so called butterfly phase where you hardly get time to do practical stuffs like blogging! Yes this phase is so lame that you end up calling blogging a practical thing! See friends I was sick, and its not my fault and thank God! I didn’t write anything during the phase otherwise I would have repented because friends you know what, this is such a phase where you pretend things and live in this fake bubble where nothing is practical and everything thing seems good, heavenly. During this phase you are out of your senses. Even if now when I may seem ok and normal, but you never know when I can go back again inside. Another thing about the phase, you start speaking like other people, lame na?
So its lame, sick, unpractical, and what else? But why do I miss being in that phase, I don’t know. Shit! This song.I hate it! The one my playlist’s playing, the song talks about distances between lovers. Fuck the song! I still don’t know if this is really a sad song? What if there are distances, haven’t they heard about something called BRIDGES! After all I am a civil engineer! (I am pursuing it at least and I did my interns also at a bridge site, I am confident that I can build a bridge!)
Hope is the word. HOPE!
Vaise this phase is not the only reason, there is a similar sounding word that kept me busy the last month, phest! And the work of the phest is still pending, then there were the exams and many other things, but the point is I was busy and above all I am very lazy, busy and lazy is a deadly combo, isn’t it? Then came the famous, our own rang de basanti moment, which gave us at least a 10 days ka holiday and with the holidays it gave us these long boring journeys where I can listen to some songs (thanks to the new ear-phone I bought) and write. So here I am sitting inside a train travelling back to go dick inside after an eventful DP at go elephant and after 50 days, finally writing. But I got no net connection now, so I will be posting it only when I reach go dick inside.
This one is going to be a short one, because the dinner is being served and I am very hungry. I promise to write such short ones regularly, till then astalavista!

code name ---- GARDEN

2009-07-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

I know I have been very slow but I really cant help it, I am a lazy person! But I have a whole life to tell my story and you have a whole life to keep reading it!
Today I'll be telling you people about the recent woman hunt we did.... we call(ed) it "code name-- GARDEN!"

I did this for my friend mitwa, ok now mitwa had this crush in school, her name 'puppy', I remember her as this beautiful girl who used to dress simply, mitwa used to justify her simple dressing style a result of her great middle class values! love is truly blind! so this girl puppy had a bf in school(mitwaaaa, beta girls with GREAT values dont really have a bf in SCHOOL!)

This bf of hers had given a life threat to mitwa, and had asked him to call her, didi! yes didi! that's the funniest part the girl was three years older to mitwa (academically), because mitwa repeated kindergarten...lol!

After the threat mitwa almost backed out! But he still had feelings for her, and now he thinks he's a MAN, a grown up and can easily beat Mr. ISKCON, her bf!(I think mitwa thinks he is the only person who has grown physically in the past 4 years and not iskcon) and also thinks that he, her bf looked like a chameleon!

Mitwa didn't knew where she was, but one thing mitwa knew,he knew about her dad, the owner of the GARDEN restaurant! and he remembered her getting into a lane near her dad's restaurant, he had done a recce which suggested that there were around 10-12 houses which that lane led to....... that was "code name -- GARDEN"! we needed to find her house,ring the bell,act as students searching for prof X's house!

The plan would only work if puppy opens the door, madly in love mitwa wanted to go even when the probability of her opening the door was only 1/6 (they are three sisters, I assumed the 'naukar') ), we even cant go to every house asking for prof X!
Came to our rescue- the rakhi paan shop!(the small shop,facing the colony), he must know where the owner of GARDEN restaurant lives!

So it was all worked out.....take a rikshaw>>>mitwa will pay>>>ask the paan wala>>>final practice of dialogues>>>ACTION!

So there were we,near the rakhi paan shop,it was like any other pan shop with the same "very happy" panwala (God knows why?),with the same small window through which he makes his living!,with the same old man in his late 50's or early 60's buying a paan from the shop, it was all the same, the 1st dialogue was mitwa's

mitwa: bhaiya yeh garden hotel ka maalik ka ghar kaun sa hai?
the old man: ya say beta!

I wanted to say "oldie you are not in the scene, will give you something else,bloody junior artist!" , but I said
Rambo: Excuse me!
the old man: I am the owner of the Garden restuarant!

OMG! he was no junior artist! he's the villain! what do we do now! sorry prof X now you too loose your role, its God's screenplay you see, unexpected!

But then I said something which made me feel proud, mitwa wanted to clap! I know if it would have happened two years ago, I would have fallen to his feet, but now I could see the change! What I said was something i can write in my CV as my 'crisis management act', I wanted my friends from go dick inside to be there at that very moment, I said
RAMBO: sir we are from a local engg college and there is this big function coming up in our college, for which we want a good but cheap caterer!
THE VILLAIN: I stay near by, we all can go to my house, sit and talk!

mitwa gave me a hypothetical hi-5, and gave a '1 plate momo pucca!'look, I was quick to give him a 'no i want 2 plates' look, in no time we were sitting in puppy's drawing room, but unluckily for mitwa we didn't see puppy that day, but on the brighter side we now know her house and can at least visit her house two more times before finalizing the deal! ha! and yes the restaurant is really cheap, you are getting a veg thali with a paneer ki sabzi for only 40 bucks.........in go dick inside the same menu will cost around 70!

I deserved a treat,we went to a place chipkali had suggested once, the place was great, i love her taste.....she is a superstar!

I didn't see paramecium after that day,neither did i get her no. but as I said I have a whole life left! A life which is an open book! asta la vista..

chapter #

2009-06-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

I know it’s been ages since I wrote my last blog but I didn’t get time, I really got very busy with my mazdoori work at DEMON INDIA LTD. But yesterday something happened that made me write…….. I saw paramecium!

I was coming back from the site at tsang po project after a long and tiring day; as usual I was listening to the radio where this radio jockeys….. yes that is what they call themselves…….were messing up with the hindi words……I don’t really listen to the songs on radio but I prefer to hear “the radio jockeys” speak in hindi……….its damn funny but not as funny as the hindi dubbed Hollywood movies…..but still……it’s the next best thing after jhadhav ji as far as entertainment is concerned at DEMON INDIA LTD……….anyways….. I was coming back when near a shoe shop in front of a blue bike I saw her standing in her college uniform(yes colleges here have uniforms!)……full white salwar, with a red chunni having ugly yellow dots….frankly speaking she was looking pathetic……but in ‘go elephant ’ no one can help it with all the humidity and pollution…..i could see it under her arms, the dirty sweat rings(like the annual wood rings…remember structure of a tree anyone?)…yukkk!!!...........but she is allowed to look that way because she is paramecium……my paramecium!
I went up to her and said “hi”………..but all along I was thinking whether she will recognize me or not and what should be my opening line……..should it be “pehchana?” or “hi main Rambo your senior from school” but then I decided to go with a plain ‘hi’……..and within 4 mtrs distance I practiced saying ‘hi’ 40 times……… and from the 40 different hi’s I selected the ‘hi’ which didn’t sound very excited, the ‘hi’ which only showed my front ka 6 teeth…..so there was Rambo saying ‘hi’ to her to ‘his’ ‘her’……..she said ‘hi’ but she was not looking at me and I wondered has she becme bhengi in three years……she continued…..”Hi this is Rambo my senior from school”…...I turned back…….standing there was he only 160 cms in height, spikes, wearing another uniform of some other college with a helmet in his hand…..he stopped paramecium and introduced himself….he said “hi I am loser, paramecium’s bf!”………omg...the cat caught my tongue (it’s an adage; I remember it from my favorite movie!)……I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded……..who the hell introduces himself as “I am her bf!”…….fuck yourself loser! I salute his parents because they gave him that name!..........i felt like hitting him, hitting him with his own helmet……. I never had this feeling before and I hate to say this but I was feeling jealous. Yes jealous! Of this 160 cm tall (what?,160 cm is not tall!), ugly looking, supari chewing(I could make that out from his teeth, his ugly maroon colored teeth) bastard…..named loser! I really don’t know what paramecium saw in him, but anyways while I was making plans in my head to kill him, her voice interrupted and saved me from committing a crime! She asked about my whereabouts and I did the same and then she left, she left in that blue bike of loser’s………. now I wanted her, I wanted her more than anything, I don’t think I really want her for myself but I should save her from loser! He is not a good guy! Ya ok I don’t really know loser but I have this instinct (about which in details I’ll be telling you later…..you know when the right time comes!) this instinct of judging people (because I am a kanya, and believe me all kanyas do it, they are very judgmental and critical, and the most important thing is that they are hardly wrong!) but I didn’t even have her no., I forgot to take that yesterday, loser made me forget……..he sucks!
Later that day I talked to PUMPER, told him about what all happened, he asked me “abhi kya karega bey? Do you have a plan?” i replied like the ‘famous-dead-academy award winning- actor’, the way he replied in a Christopher Nolan film, I said “do I look like a man with a plan?”……………..asta la vista

introducing JHADAVJI...

2009-06-07T12:09:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER @
Last week I was going to my work place, the place where I do mazdoori, DEMON India Ltd. It’s building a pull over TsangPo, and something strange happened, you know I could very perfectly sense that it was one of those life changing moments, those moments, when you see your whole life in front of your eyes running in fast forward (and that too in hue, cycles entire color spectrum), I saw everything---- the list is long and not really worth mentioning unlike what my good friend ‘the dude’ saw in such a similar life changing experience, he had his 1st kiss & his 1st you know…you know the ‘s’ word, ok ok his ‘1st sex’ and things which he can openly boast about in public unlike my 1st day to school(boring!), my 1st bicycle(boringer!!) & my 1st science model (boringest!!!), but anyways what I saw (which I will be telling you later) changed my life, I grew up in a week’s time, yes actually I wont call it changing, I would like to call it growing. And suddenly I found the beginning of my story (‘I am Single’) the most desperate rather than the ‘bestest’, and I feel bad about many things I wrote in the 1st chapter, but no ‘mitwa’, I don’t take my words back, because I wrote what I felt, ya this guy mitwa is my friend who happened to read my story and came to know that I like chipkali, knowing this he asked me to delete it because he also likes her, and moreover wanted me to hook him with her, please give me a break, I am no broker dude, if you like her go tell her, and if you don’t have the ‘balls’, start writing a blog ;)……

vaise I must congratulate ‘the system changer’ my friend from the city of ‘pagal grass’ for successfully decoding the encrypted code…. I have loads of things to say about my friends but can’t really say them all in one chapter…so I will be telling them slowly-slowly (ahista-ahista in Hindi) and as you know ‘when the right time comes’ …..
vaise bhi this chapter is dedicated to the one and only JHADAV JI my senior, the boss (almost) of the Tsangpo project at DEMON India Ltd. What a guy he is, he is my only entertainment at that place, he makes it sure that after a tiring day at work every mazdoor gets a dose of laughter in the end around 5.30 pm when he comes to the site from his A/C office in his formal full shirt rolled above his elbow and his denim jeans (never miss that), he is fat, bald and short heighted and a perfect joker material….. I always envy these short heighted people you know people like pumper, man they are gifted! They cross the closed railway gates without bending….the 1st time I saw pumper doing that I was like “how (slow) did (slower) you (slowest) do that (very fast)???”…….back to the joker….errr… JHADHAV JI (with all respect) the 1st thing he said to all of us was “hum tumhara kabhi bhi surprizze bhibha le lenge” I wanted to laugh, but couldn’t and to top all that he said the whole thing in an almost-ya almost-himesh tone (jai mata di lets rock!!!) and after saying this he was leaving but suddenly he spotted ‘me’, and gave me that ‘lets-ask-the-new-guy-some-questions look’ and believe me friends I felt as if I was sitting in front of the ‘taklu bros’ from the famous reality TV show… and after the interrogation he concluded that “dekho chele-chutiye aaj kal aise bhi log hote hai jo rehte go elephant mein hai padhte go dick inside mein hai aur hote Bhagwan ke desh se hai” and chela-chutiya was quick to react and say “sir yeh toh kuch bhi nahi aajkal toh aise bhi log hote hai jo breakfast cold tatta mein karte hai, lunch ‘HEARTi’ mein aur dinner mom ke bhai mein” after saying this he and chela chutiya (his vafadar) left and we were in splits, and after a long, boring and tiring day I felt that this place was not that bad and I wanted more of JHADAV JI…..and I think Lord Almighty heard me because in the next few days we heard a lot from him, his experiences basically like JHADHAV JI and the orkut, JHADAV JI and the insurance policies, JHADHAV JI and VLCC and many more….. I’ll be telling you all but not now but in the next few chapters of my life, which is an open book……till then asta la vista

1st ever...

2009-05-31T04:40:00.000-07:00

The world is blogging...its the "in thing"...but i am here because of one (wo)man..the one and only FIP...all thanks to him/her.....perhaps that’s the only blog i have read or to be frank, understood..i dunno what really made me write....because i m really not that type u know the "blogger" term is so alien and geeky..but there are some stories that are needed to be told...so if i cant be a good writer, I'll try to be a good storyteller............
the story is of a guy...neither a man nor a boy....a 'guy'....20 yrs old from a place called 'go dick inside' ..his name is 'RAMBO'.....from here onwards i bid adieu.....because it will be Rambo himself who'll be telling u his story in 1st person....

MY LIFE IS AN OPEN BOOK
-RAMBO

Hello people this is RAMBO… I am doing engineering ….yes!! Engineering, like the other 50 lakh students (or perhaps more than that)….I am doing it from a place called ‘go dick inside’…I stay in a hostel….my parents stay in the city of ‘go elephant’…I will be telling you my story but let me make it clear- my story is a pure work of fiction and am myself a fictitious character and resemblance of anything or anyone mentioned in my story to anything or anyone living or dead is purely co-incidental

And also through this I would like to thank Varun Varghese for letting me use his blog space and making it possible for me to tell my story.

Chapter ‘!’

In this chapter I tell you about myself, my friends & my love interests

I am single. Isn’t it d bestest of beginning to any story. Yes friends I am single but not really sure whether ready to mingle. My friend PUMPER says that I have "too close for comfort syndrome"…dunno what that means but I mentioned because I wanted to introduce PUMPER to all of you...I am sorry but I’ll use such lame techniques(u know the whole storyteller>writer funda)…btw pumper is my best friend…he is the most genuine person I know…yes 'genuine' is the only word that is coming to my mind right now...in fact all my friends are genuine and raw to the core…be it BHAlu 1,chAD(d)I,Dfcuk,bhalu 2etc etc..The list is long…and I’ll b introducing them at d right time…u know when needed.. Not wasting anymore time… I will tell u about my love interests, my crushes…the list may be long…but there are a few handful whom I like today also….whom I am very fond of...

Firstly there is paramecium… oh she is beautiful (I find her at least) I remember the day she came up to me and said that “I want to say something to you, but I am afraid of my didi who’s in your class”…..what was that supposed to mean??? She liked me? God knows, but I like(d) her. I miss my recess sessions with her u know both of us playing with her sweater, our trip to ‘orangy’, the word she repeated just to tease me, her lame efforts to make me feel jealous..I miss them all…now am not even in contact with her…my good friend ‘miss India’ somehow managed to find her no. but her efforts went in vain because still today I have the message I had sent paramecium pending in my outbox…I tried to call also but it says ‘switched off’…for the past 6 months its been switched off?

Then there is chipkali.. I am very fond of her also. I actually respect her a lot. I want every girl to be like her in one or the other way (‘the ways’- I will be telling you later). She has a great sense of humor unlike other girls who 5/7 times doesn’t understand my joke (like e.g. ‘Miss Pseudo smart’ who keeps ‘huh!’ing me, I hate her), I feel sorry to say this because I am not a chauvinist, but girls do have a poor sense of humor or at least a ‘different sense of humor’, but chipkali is great and I like her but I really dunno if she likes me or not.. Sometimes, yes only sometimes I feel… I mean I get those ‘vibes’, but usually I don’t…sometimes I feel like telling her.. asking her to be with me…u know seeing each other and all…but my friend pumper says I will never take a step with chipkali because I have u know the ‘too close for comfort syndrome’

Then we have our ‘blue princess’ …. She seems to be fascinated by my pieces of art (I like to call them that-‘art’ it is)…because she always brings those things in between any discussion and very sweetly says “I found the bhoot scary and not funny” like a mother consoling her child and giving the child false hope but the child doesn’t want it, the child knows that the bhoot was funny… but one thing is very clear the child is proud of the bhoot and the room which had it. I find it really cute when she says “main tumhe sirf missed call dungi, theeke?” and then after a round of ‘miss calls-miss calls’ she ends up calling!!!

There are many others- Kanya KUMARi, AIRTEL , supersexyback etc etc……. whom I will be introducing u know ‘when the right time comes’

Ya I almost forgot ‘mistry’ the only girl I fell for and I am ashamed of the fact that I used to like her…I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! (Reason- I may tell you later, ya ya it’s only a ‘may’, because its very embarrassing)

This was the 1^st chapter of my life, which is an open book, in the 2^nd chapter I’ll be telling you about the place where I do mazdoori, and will be introducing JHADHAV JI.